I have always been a 独立变量.
Nothing else matters.



A story adapted from Yes93.3.

Two friends, A and E, were out on a stroll by the park.
E: If there's a company that sells information on when you will die, would you buy?
A: No.
E: Why not?
A: I believe death has to be unanticipated. It doesn't sound right to know when you will die.

E: But I would buy that information. At least to let me know when I will die 10 days earlier.
A: What are you going to do within these 10 days then?
E: I'll spend 5 days with my family and another 5 days with my loved one. Taking her to places we never been before. Driving to the peak of that mountain. Exploring new things to do together.
A: Why not do that now but wait till when you're about to die?
E: I just do not have the time now.

How often do we leave the things we want to do most last? And more often than not, we take them to our coffins. Let us wait no longer, and start doing the things we want to do the most now!



Fuck.

I have just wasted both Sat and Sun not doing anything productive. And the worst problem is, I know I'm not putting in enough effort yet I am not willing to change that fact. I'm certain that there's at least well over 90% of the people working hard and mugging through the damn textbooks while I am enjoying both my afternoon naps and anime watching.

Guess I am really short of any motivatation at all. Nothing to spur me on, nothing to inspire me to work hard. Sometimes, I really don't know what I want.

And I've jumped, only to misjudge the overly far distance. Clinging on to a branch now. It's damn tiring to hold on and without any lifeline in sight, I'll plunge into the abyss of nothing, very soon.



Check this video out:
http://www.sevenwondersofyourworldmovie.com/



Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't or
Saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.
If you do, they might break your heart... if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own, when you least suspect ot, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?

Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid, afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.

But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.


Received many of this identical email, so decided to type and post it here to remember. Have you jumped?






We're living in this world, where you surely will not get what you set out to achieve due to opportunity costs.

Drank alot more Southern Comfort than I should which resulted in me getting high for my first time. It's definitely not drunk for I still know what I am doing just that I couldn't care less. And Li had to witness me getting high and dumb around my room. Blabbered some crap to Joan, Jason and I can't remember who else, probably Rachel too.

But it takes away the pain for only momentarily. When I wake up, I remember it all over again. I should channel this to studying instead which, as usual, my weekend was wasted.

Have you regretted any decisions made lately?

I seldom do for I believe a decision is made with a rational thought behind it. And if you can think it through, surely the decision was a sound one even if it was only at that moment in time. But of course, not all decisions go your way. And when they don't, guess pucking up the courage to move on from there is important. It's imperative that we might make some bad decisions, but nonetheless, I will still adhere to them and learn from those. I don't deny that sometimes I think too much into other people's actions. Maybe it made me happy then, but ultimately, it doesn't matter. Things are not happening my way and I have to live by them.

Time, is always not on my side. Darn!



Ah okay, really hope to keep my list of birthday wishes. At least it is more 'permanent' here instead of my phone which I may change it in future. Really thank you everyone for making this day so special for me.

Sorry to those that I did not invite to my place for my celebration, didn't want to make things awkward for I can't split myself into so many parts to entertain everyone =p And being my dearest friends, I'm sure you understand. But that does not mean you are excluded from treating me. Dial my mobile and make an appointment please. Haha.

Some birthday wishes from SMSes~

Audrey:
Happy 21st birthday pupx!! wish ya exams shun shun li li. happy everyday n everyday as handsome!

Stephanie:
Jaren! Happy 21st! I know my presence will be missed =) have a great party. have a fab day. see ya!

Wei Qi:
Heya happy birthday!

Evelyn:
Happy birthday! (: hope we wun regret today's decision.

Huay Ping:
Happy 21st! Wish you all the best in everything you do! And Good luck for your exams! Cheers

Valerie:
Hey jaren, happy birthday! I can finally rmb ur birthday! It's so cool tt both of us know sharon..& we're all taking the same course! Haha gd luck in ur exams!

Sharon:
Jaren! Happy birthday! See u later for ur party! Haha!

Christabel:
happy birthday! see you later.. have a blast on this day!

Hui Ting:
HAPPY 21st!! ^^ heh heh.. My first abnormal patient! Lol.. How are you celebrating?

Yasmin:
Eh! Happy birthday! An sms air flown from paris! Hahaha! Have fun ok! good morning btw

Mablerine:
Hey hey. Happy 21st birthday! May all your dreams n wishes come true!

Dorcas:
Jaren! Cant go today. Hving quite a bad flu. But still, hope u enjoy 2day! Happy bdae!

Adeline:
Jaren! happy birthday

Siew Hoon:
Hey jaren. happy 21st birthday! Hope it'l be fun for you today. Sorry i cant go cuz i can't finish studying for my first paper on mon! Best wishes to you?

Ailin:
Happy birthday!

Amanda:
Haha. Okie okie. Copy cat happy 21st birthday too. Mug hard for the coming exams ah.

Bernice:
Happy birthday! Lol. I didn't disappear la... Don't worry. Ha ha... Have a good birthday!

Pei Pei:
Hey jaren! Happy birthday! May u have an exciting n fruitful adulthood ahead. haha.. N all the best for ur exams!

Theodore:
hey theodore here. Happy birthday!

Joshua:
Happy Birthday!

Agnes:
Hey hey..happy birthday

Serene:
Wahax...happi birthday yax..one more step to an old man...dotdot...best wishes...happi birthday once again ^^

Jiamin:
Jaren! Happy 21st birthday. hope you enjoyed today la. And i didn't forget it was your birthday ok! Haha.

Da Ren:
Eh yo.. Happy birthday today! Ha jus made it in time to wish u!

Nancy:
Happy birthday 21 jaren! haha. officially 21 years and a day old..heh.hope you enjoyed your day! =]

Dina:
Happy belated birthday! Sorry, just realised tt uday's ur bday.. Dun forget to relax in the midst of ur studying!

From Facebook..

Kher Wei:
hey hey! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U!!! ^_^g how's things? Best wishes yah!

Evelyn:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAREN!!!! YOU'RE OFFICIALLY AN ADULT! =)

Kai Wei:
Happy Birthday dude!

Natasha:
Happy birthday Jar Jar Binks! Go jump around in the presidential boxers we got you years ago.

Aik Meng:
Hey Bro, Happy 21st Birthday. So sorry i can't be attending ur party. need to mug hard. nonetheless, hope you have a great party and may all ur bdae wishes come true..

Isabella:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Cyaz around in fass! =DD

Cheryl:
Hey jaren!
Happy 21th! Sorry, i can't attend your party tonight. Have a great time! =)

Jillyan:
hey mr gentleman, happy belated birthday! hope you had a blast at your party which i couldnt go for (sorry!). ;D

Michelle:
HEY Jaren! Happy belated birthday!
Hope u had a fantabulous time at your party!
so sorry I didn't go... :P

Mansi:
Happy Belated Birthday!!! though over here its still your birthday!!


MSN..

Nikki:
HEY~
hAPPY BIRTHDAY! : )

Zhengyi:
happie birthday to U!!!!

Ming Kai:
yo..
happy bday ! haha

Zhi Rong:
HAPPY BDAE!!!!

Kayee:
haha haven wish u
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
21st birthday right?

Junqi:
hey happy belated birthday i din realise today's already the 18th... you're 21 and hence an official oldie.... hope you enjoyed yourself :)


Lastly, calls from Thien Fui and Thazin who's also busy mugging at Malaysia! =]]

Thanks to all that came down!
Nurul, Naweera, Samantha, Joan, Kenn, Nancy, Mingyong, Joanne, YJ, Claryce, Shaun, Fiona, Shafiq, Chee Wei, Wei Qi, Zhen Fai, Deborah, Rachel, Cassandra, Sharon, Christabel, Rui Jie, Tow Boon, Deryck, Marcus, Joshua, Roy, Mingen, Zhi Yang, Jiaen, Jiayi & Li. And my extended family =]]



I'm quite skeptical about the results of that quiz. I mean, it sounds quite true but then again, many other people could have gotten that answers too. The 2nd, 3rd, 5th, 6th, 7th & 8th all sounds like me! Haha.

I feel stuck in the middle of some mud puddle or sinking sand. My feet can't feel the bottom and I can't reach for the top. Really tired after all that struggling for the top. Maybe I'm trying too hard and I should just take a step back, or just sink to this bottomless pit. Contentment sure is a high aim, forsaking it all seems a viable option.

Only time will tell. And right now, I really need my bed instead of thinking again. It hurts in two places and I'm too tired for that at the moment.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

天上风筝在天上飞
地上人儿在地上追
你若担心你不能飞
你有我的蝴蝶

天上风筝在天上飞
地上人儿在地上追
我若担心我不能飞
我有你的草原

耶～耶～
你形容我是这个世界上
无与伦比的美丽

耶～耶～
我知道你才是这世界上
无与伦比的美丽

天上风筝在天上飞
地上人儿在地上追
你若担心你不能飞
你有我的蝴蝶
嘿啊~嘿啊~

苏打绿-无与伦比的美丽



Read the previous post.

Building on what Mrs Clark said, I dawned on what I want out of a relationship. It may seem complicated but I want to be remembered and to remember her. To be her life, and mine hers. And at the end of the day, knowing at least someone out there cares for me.

A relationship can be so draining: emotionally, physically & maybe, financially. And it only needs so little to break a relationship: a small quarrel, a third party or sudden incompatibility. But it requires a lifetime of nurturing. Of commitment, of caring, of love, of forgiveness, of acceptance, of accommodating, of compromise, of fun, of communication, of sharing, of feelings.

I believe I have no ideal girl, for I am not ideal in the first place. But having someone in mind, it makes everyday easier to pass. And yet at times, I wonder if I am waiting for something to materialize or I just can't move ahead. Throughout, funny things might happen and you wonder too much. Whether is she the one? Whether I am the one for her? Whether it is pointless waiting? Whether someone else is better suited? Nevertheless, at the end of the day, thinking of her makes me understand that I am indeed still waiting, regardless of how i feel, as long as she is happy. That is my contentment.


-End of Reflections IV-



In the movie "Shall we dance", the wife of Mr Clark (main character) said:

Why is it that people get married?
Because we need a witness to our lives.
There’s a billion people on the planet.
What does any one life really mean?
But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything…
The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things,
All of it… all the time, every day.
You’re saying “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.
Your life will not go unwitnessed - because I will be your witness.”

If you were to disappear into thin air, would anyone even remember you existed?
Will there be this one person who has witnessed every chapter of your life and would hold your story close in his/her heart?

-taken from yawen, i remembered watching the movie, but can't remember anything else from it-



Having laid all bare, what yet is not there to be seen?

Module Code:	JC5001
Module Title:	Jarenology
Modular Credits:	-
Exam Date:	Non-examinable
Pre-Requisite:	JC1101E, JC2101, JC3101, JC4101
Preclusion:	Nil
Cross-listed:	Nil
Module Description:	This course provides a specialty for the study of Jaren. Topics such as Western horoscope: Scorpio, Zodiac: Tiger, secretiveness, thinking processes, understandability, social interactiveness and history are discussed. One aim of this course is to introduce students to the theories and research of Jarenology. A second aim is to help students appreciate how the findings of Jarenologists are relevant and applicable to the day-to-day situations in our lives and in understanding Jaren.
Workload:	0-0-0-0-112 Lecture - Discussion/Tutorial - Laboratory - Assignments - Preparatory Work (hours/week)
Remark:	Though non-examinable, students are expected to keep up with their studying and readings as tests are conducted at random.

Faith, a small word, with a huge meaning to it.



Was thinking of writing stuff related to the heart. But decided not to with the help of better judgement because:
1) it's not interesting
2) it's boring (is it the same?)
3) i prefer keeping it to myself

Anyway, was reading social psychology when there's this section of a topic on love. So apparently, Sternberg came up with his Triangular Model of Love. There are 3 basics, 3 2nd degree and 1 combined love.

Basics: Liking (intimacy alone), Empty Love (commitment alone), Infatuation (passion alone)
2nd: Romantic (intimacy + passion), Fatuous (passion + commitment), Companionate ( commitment + intimacy)
Combined: Consummate (intimacy + passion + commitment)

It is such a hot topic but yet no one can really define what love is. It is also said that loving is different from liking, and not just very strong liking. So what exactly is like and love?



After already having concluded that dreams and expectations are part and parcel of living and reasons for my living, I now turn to examine my history. As I turn almost 21, history is not too long, but it isn't short either. Many things have happened in the past the shaped the person who I am today.

We often complain about how we wished to turn back time, to change something in the past. I, for one, have many What Ifs. What if I wasn't so playful in primary school? What if I studied harder for PSLE? What if I did not join scouts and continued in volleyball? What if I studied harder in Sec 2? What if I was more proactive in upper sec class? What if I had done better in O's? What if I did not go to TPJC? What if I chose to stick to going poly? What if I did not join attached council? What if I did not join student council? What if I did not run for any post? What if I studied harder for A's? What if I did not sign the naval officer contract? What if.. what if.. You get my point, the list is never ending.

But when we think of this, we have a huge hindsight. That is, if anything were to change in history, I believe the present would never be the same again. If you have watched Butterfly Effect, I suppose you will get what I am trying to say. Every small single change in the past, will make the whole world a different place to be in. I wouldn't say that I am living the perfect life now, but at least I know that it is I who am in charge of my own life. I have liken living life to driving before. How fast you want the car to go is like how you want to lead your life. External factors are aplenty, but ultimately, you make the final decision yourself.

And accepting our history is all part of living. It is like how the Japanese accept that previously their previous generations committed atrocious war crimes. We too, have to accept what we were, to accept life as it is now. I am definitely not the person I am today had it not been for my history. I stole before (way back in primary school), but now I understand the consequences of it and of course am not committing it again. Can I not remember this part? No.

I am really glad to have a great and colourful history to boot. My primary school days in Tampines Family Service Centre. Secondary days with the scouts. JC days with council. NS is to be forgotten. Uni, where history has yet to be made.

-End of Reflections III-



A short detour from the usual Reflections.


The Slow Dancer
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD)

Steady, reliable, and cradling her tenderly. Take a deep breath, and let it out real easy...you are The Slow Dancer

Your focus is love, not sex, and for your age, you have average experience. But you're a great, thoughtful guy, and your love life improves every year. There's also a powerful elimination process working in your favor: most Playboy types get stuck raising unwanted kids before you even begin settling down. The women left over will be hot and yours. Your ideal woman is someone intimate, intelligent, and very supportive.

While you're not exactly the life of the party, you do thrive in small groups of smart people. Your circle of friends is extra tight and it's HIGHLY likely they're just like you. You appreciate symmetry in relationships.

Always avoid: The Battleaxe (DBLM)

Consider: The Maid of Honor (DGLM), The Sonnet (DGLD)

Take this cute test here at: http://www.okcupid.com/online.dating.persona.test

After reflecting yesterday on the reason for my existence, I found no reason to doubt my existence. And since I cannot doubt my existence, I should make the best of it or at least bear with it. I got a great quote from a video I watched during today's Nation Building. Someone in the video said that Hegel, a philosopher, said "There's always a reason for existence, for without a reason to exist, something will not exist." Ain't it a good statement. And if the reason for existence is no longer existing, something will slowly disappear until it ceases to exist. Today as I reflect, I will bear this in mind.

Now as I sit on my bed, typing this on my Vaio, with my psychology textbook by my side, I start to dream. Dreams are definitely a part of living and I believe is one of the reasons for my continued existence. Anyone dare to claim they do not dream? But sometimes, there are too many things that we dream about. When I was young, I dreamt of being a doctor, a policeman, a fireman, a laywer among many others. When I start growing older, I dreamt of wanting to be a millionaire, to have a lasting relationship and to live happily. Even at this moment, I dream of being in a good paying job, having a loving girlfriend, a wonderful family and to live happily.

Together with dreams, we start to have expectations. Expectations are always said to be good. When you have expectations, you start working towards them in the hope of achieving them. But have you taught about how expectations can bring one down? When you have too high expectations of yourself, of someone else or of something, it is like setting an impossible target to achieve. And when you are nowhere near your expectations, you start to feel like a failure.

And many a times, we set such high expectations because of the fact that we dream! Dreams are almost always perfect. Remember how Disney always fooled us with their love stories? It is always so loving, and touching. With that in mind, we tend to set high expectations of our loved one. We demand and expect too much from them, and when they do not go along with our demands or expectations, we find them useless or not worthy of our love. But have we stopped and thought for a moment, are we meeting up to their demands and expectations too? Love is such a give and take thing that with only one side at it, it will never work out.

Seeing my parents in love, sometimes I can't help but set certain expectations for myself too. I had always wanted a single relationship to last till death, but that of course, is not possible at the moment. Thus, I should remove all expectations and take things as they come, for expectations will only make me ponder more. Like I mentioned previously, setting too high expectations will only throw me back on the cold hard floor. Having experienced it before, I will not come to this stage again.

I will not cease to stop dreaming, for when I stop dreaming, I will lose a reason to exist. I believe that there many things that I still dream for and set expectations for. And it is with these dreams and expectations, that I will continue to have a reason to exist.

-End of Reflections II-



As I continue reading Descartes' meditation, I realise I should enter into my own meditations too. The main person in the Meditations is the Meditator who is Descartes himself as he looks to examine epistemology. I shall do my own reflections, and take the role of the Reflector! (okay, sounds lame)

As I enter almost 21 years in this world, I have never failed to question the very meaning of my existence. Born a free thinker, I have no religion to call my own. So who do I pray to when I am i need of solace? I have no idea.

Buddhists believe that my current life is a reincarnation of my previous life. That what I do in my present life, will affect my afterlife. If I were to commit evil, I would be banish to the 18 levels of hell. How true is all this? I am uncertain.

Christians believe in evangelism, that I am brought into this world as part of a journey before going on to meet the Greater Being. While I'm at it, I should try to encourage others to take up believe in what I believe so that we can all progress to heaven together when our journey on this Earth is over.

I'm not too sure about the other religions, but I would suppose that it is something along these lines. So the mere presence of me, is supposed to help others go to heaven as well? It is not that I do not believe in a Greater Being, but I am uncertain what he wants of me. As I continue to reflect on this, there seem to be no better answer.

So instead of thinking of why I am here, I shall reflect on what I should do to better improve myself and the people around me.

-End of Reflections I-



I'm so glad that I'm finally done with Philo. It was a t.o.r.t.u.r.e., pure and simple as hell.

Things start to look like it's going back to normal, and I'm happy with it. Still early to talk about it but I'm okay with it now, somethings are better kept close at heart. And it's finally time to get back to real work. Like mugging, which I have procastinated, as usual, after the mid terms have ended.

19 days countdown to start of Finals.



I should really stop rambling on and on. It's been like my 4th post for the day. Zomg.

I think my incoherence of thoughts did not simply stem out from nowhere. In fact when I was ordering take-away fried rice for dinner just now, I can't even remember giving the lady $5 or $10. And when she returned me $6.50 in change, I was stunned at first but nevertheless accepted the change.

I really really did try to do Philosophy. But it requires too much thinking, and with my mind already preoccupied, I could not squeeze any more matter to help in Philo. My Philo points look like crap and a pile of rubbish. Hope consultation tomorrow would be able to enlighten me.

Never felt like this before. Can't pen my thoughts properly, nor get any proper work done.

jª®êÑ
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