Wednesday, November 07, 2007
After already having concluded that dreams and expectations are part and parcel of living and reasons for my living, I now turn to examine my history. As I turn almost 21, history is not too long, but it isn't short either. Many things have happened in the past the shaped the person who I am today.
We often complain about how we wished to turn back time, to change something in the past. I, for one, have many What Ifs. What if I wasn't so playful in primary school? What if I studied harder for PSLE? What if I did not join scouts and continued in volleyball? What if I studied harder in Sec 2? What if I was more proactive in upper sec class? What if I had done better in O's? What if I did not go to TPJC? What if I chose to stick to going poly? What if I did not join attached council? What if I did not join student council? What if I did not run for any post? What if I studied harder for A's? What if I did not sign the naval officer contract? What if.. what if.. You get my point, the list is never ending.
But when we think of this, we have a huge hindsight. That is, if anything were to change in history, I believe the present would never be the same again. If you have watched Butterfly Effect, I suppose you will get what I am trying to say. Every small single change in the past, will make the whole world a different place to be in. I wouldn't say that I am living the perfect life now, but at least I know that it is I who am in charge of my own life. I have liken living life to driving before. How fast you want the car to go is like how you want to lead your life. External factors are aplenty, but ultimately, you make the final decision yourself.
And accepting our history is all part of living. It is like how the Japanese accept that previously their previous generations committed atrocious war crimes. We too, have to accept what we were, to accept life as it is now. I am definitely not the person I am today had it not been for my history. I stole before (way back in primary school), but now I understand the consequences of it and of course am not committing it again. Can I not remember this part? No.
I am really glad to have a great and colourful history to boot. My primary school days in Tampines Family Service Centre. Secondary days with the scouts. JC days with council. NS is to be forgotten. Uni, where history has yet to be made.
-End of Reflections III-
思念是一种病 {11:55 pm}
