Why does everything seem not to fall into place? Love, life, studies?

It only the beginning of week 5 and I'm starting to feel the heat. I feel that I'm lacking behind in almost all my modules and this is not a good sign at all. Taking 6 modules is meant to spur me to study hard, not to fall back further. Starting to feel the stress but somehow I don't know why I can't find time to study enough. Am I taking on too many things at once?

Then there's the deadly Feb month for me. My mind seem to be in too many places at once that I can't settle down my thoughts to concentrate on doing anything for Feb. I am sorry. Really. I know you want time, but I have almost none to give. I feel lousy.

It has been a long time since I felt this way, everything is calling for my attention.

I shall go sleep and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.



Hello Hello!

This is a super random posting after reading my ancient blog post. Maybe I should start writing a blog again. I realise a blog is not simply a tool for others to pry into my life, but more of something for me to read and reflect in the future about what I have done or said in the past and how I have matured / moved on from certain life stages.

To keep myself of the future updated, this post will be more of an introduction of myself, to myself. Sounds like I am pretty much an adolescent at heart for everything is about 'me me & me.'

So I'm currently in my 3rd year Sem 2 at FASS. Studying Psychology with a 2nd major in Economics. I finally got exposed to archery and am in teamNUS as of now.

To digress slightly, it is finally a dream come true when I made it into teamNUS. Since young, I have tired almost all kinds of CCAs: drums in pri sch, scouts in sec sch & student council in junior college, what I was lacking was a sport. Knowing myself, anything that involves running is pretty much out considering my lousy stamina. So archery is like an almost perfect match for me. Well, I did considered shooting air weapons, but nah. And I'm certainly proud to be part of NUS Archery and looking to win medals with my fellow teammates.

This is quite a killer semester for me. Doing 6 mods: evo psych, adolescence, emotions, UROP, medical soci & reporting stats. On top of that, working part time as a research assistant. Even top-er, archery. Nonetheless, I feel that I have begun my revision and studying early, just have to keep the momentum going. For the past 4 sems I have been telling myself to work hard, and this sem will be no different from the rest. Work hard, Jaren!

On a last note, I want to say hi to RH =D



Been another few months since I blogged again. Well, am I back again? Or gone for good? Only time will tell. But for now, this quote from a notebook.







Woo hoo! 1st post since the last post in a very long time.

Been doing too much random stuff that I do not actual blog anymore. In fact, I spend time online doing nothing but just not blogging.

Very early in the morning and I'm tired! Heading off to NGS for a volunteer project. Hope it's fun! Weeeeeee.....



Okay, even though I can immediately think of a hundred and one reasons why I am not blogging, let me put it down to pure procastination.

I slack, play BS, read a little of text, nap a little more and everything and anything else but update. And if I don't even update, that means I don't read others' blogs either. Opps.

Pardon me.


In any case, if you're interested to know, I'm currently back to taking 5 modules!
1. Research and Statistics for Psychology
2. Health Psychology
3. Social Psychology
4. Foundations of Econometrics
5. General Biology

Buying textbooks have always been a cash burner, I should have spent about $200 on these. Time to mug and pull CAP!

Target: 4.0 to pull CAP to 3.7



Crap, no new year resolutions, YET! Promise it would be coming up!

And on Battle Stations:
9 Chiam (Temasek) 6th_hUNteR KAMISAMA 55 1111 11 99 %
rank name clan ship name level wins loss percentage



Like last year, around this time of the year is to reflect upon my resolutions for 2007. The post on them are here.

1. Not complain so much about army life anymore, and when the time comes, to embrace "civilianity".
Lessen down complains and totally embracing civilianity!

2. Pick up diving.
Yup yup, can't wait to dive during the 3 month break again!

3. Try for another sport.
Archery! Though the bows and arrows were quite sucky, for we are only their exposure class, it was a good experience nevertheless.

4. Find an interesting part time job that gives me good experience.
Working at Prudential? =]

5. Participate in trekking.
Failed in this again. Totally no time to go trekking.

6. Join camps in Uni.
Union camp and Arts OWeek! Should have went for Arts Camp, such a waste.

7. Sign membership for all/most that I'm interested.
PRU and Bizcom? But turn out not to my expectations.

8. Get into hostel.
Got offered a place in Temasek, but rejected. Lol.

9. Study hard & score well.
Hmm, definitely not my fullest effort into studying, and my results pretty much met my expectations.

10. Be a better owner to Junior.
Well, apart from not taking him out for walks, I do pamper him! With treats and new toys!



On a different note, I received 2 Christmas cards today! Still thought it would be bare this year but I sure am happy to have gotten cards from Serene and Bernice. SMSes are but only SMSes, and cards do mean alot to me. But I must admit I was slightly busier this year for cards so I did not send out any, opps!



As I was walking back home, I gazed upon the heavens. Semi clouded but the moon was still big, round and very beautiful. Peering closer, plentiful of stars do fill out brightly lighted sky too. I do wish to own a star too, a star to call my own.

I think I do have that star in mind. The one that is ever shining so brightly. But would that star choose to be mine?

Ah, twinkle twinkle little star..... ..... .....



Ah, am sitting at Orchard Spinelli as I am typing this entry. Been quite a while since I last blogged. Pretty busy with training both on a company level as well as agency level. Production has been fair so far and has much to be improved on.

Lugging this 2.54kg laptop around sure trains my left shoulder muscles while at the same time depleted my energy faster. It has been a tiring day but it was fun.

Unsure whether to proceed is the right choice, maybe taking a step back is what I should do. Already feel like buying another lighter laptop for work, but will see whether work does require me to have a lighter one.

Waiting.. .. .. ..



Ah! Exams are over! YAYness! Ok, it has been over since Tuesday. Apart from boring trainings, it was back to back going out!

Wednesday met up with EA classmates for dinner and talk cock. The only class that I'm close to afterall. Headed down to Zouk for mambo night. Music wasn't that great, pretty boring in fact. Reached home at around 4+ and watched Newcastle's match! Great match against Arsenal.

Thursday went out for dinner and roamed the malls of Tampines! Which is 2 in fact but it was nice nonetheless.

Went for dinner and pubbing with ocip mates yesterday too! My post birthday celebration, and it was fantastic. Playing orientation games and having to drink our very own cocktail of drinks as forfeit is so old school times. And I got a pair of fins as my birthday present! Just what I needed for my future diving trips next year.

I guess going out with friends does take my mind of other things. Things that I do not wish to ponder too much over are swept aside temporarily when I'm drinking and having fun. And it looks here to stay. Shall not 想太多 and let things flow naturally.




I have always been a 独立变量.
Nothing else matters.



A story adapted from Yes93.3.

Two friends, A and E, were out on a stroll by the park.
E: If there's a company that sells information on when you will die, would you buy?
A: No.
E: Why not?
A: I believe death has to be unanticipated. It doesn't sound right to know when you will die.

E: But I would buy that information. At least to let me know when I will die 10 days earlier.
A: What are you going to do within these 10 days then?
E: I'll spend 5 days with my family and another 5 days with my loved one. Taking her to places we never been before. Driving to the peak of that mountain. Exploring new things to do together.
A: Why not do that now but wait till when you're about to die?
E: I just do not have the time now.

How often do we leave the things we want to do most last? And more often than not, we take them to our coffins. Let us wait no longer, and start doing the things we want to do the most now!



Fuck.

I have just wasted both Sat and Sun not doing anything productive. And the worst problem is, I know I'm not putting in enough effort yet I am not willing to change that fact. I'm certain that there's at least well over 90% of the people working hard and mugging through the damn textbooks while I am enjoying both my afternoon naps and anime watching.

Guess I am really short of any motivatation at all. Nothing to spur me on, nothing to inspire me to work hard. Sometimes, I really don't know what I want.

And I've jumped, only to misjudge the overly far distance. Clinging on to a branch now. It's damn tiring to hold on and without any lifeline in sight, I'll plunge into the abyss of nothing, very soon.



Check this video out:
http://www.sevenwondersofyourworldmovie.com/



Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't or
Saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.
If you do, they might break your heart... if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own, when you least suspect ot, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?

Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid, afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.

But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.


Received many of this identical email, so decided to type and post it here to remember. Have you jumped?






We're living in this world, where you surely will not get what you set out to achieve due to opportunity costs.

Drank alot more Southern Comfort than I should which resulted in me getting high for my first time. It's definitely not drunk for I still know what I am doing just that I couldn't care less. And Li had to witness me getting high and dumb around my room. Blabbered some crap to Joan, Jason and I can't remember who else, probably Rachel too.

But it takes away the pain for only momentarily. When I wake up, I remember it all over again. I should channel this to studying instead which, as usual, my weekend was wasted.

Have you regretted any decisions made lately?

I seldom do for I believe a decision is made with a rational thought behind it. And if you can think it through, surely the decision was a sound one even if it was only at that moment in time. But of course, not all decisions go your way. And when they don't, guess pucking up the courage to move on from there is important. It's imperative that we might make some bad decisions, but nonetheless, I will still adhere to them and learn from those. I don't deny that sometimes I think too much into other people's actions. Maybe it made me happy then, but ultimately, it doesn't matter. Things are not happening my way and I have to live by them.

Time, is always not on my side. Darn!



Ah okay, really hope to keep my list of birthday wishes. At least it is more 'permanent' here instead of my phone which I may change it in future. Really thank you everyone for making this day so special for me.

Sorry to those that I did not invite to my place for my celebration, didn't want to make things awkward for I can't split myself into so many parts to entertain everyone =p And being my dearest friends, I'm sure you understand. But that does not mean you are excluded from treating me. Dial my mobile and make an appointment please. Haha.

Some birthday wishes from SMSes~

Audrey:
Happy 21st birthday pupx!! wish ya exams shun shun li li. happy everyday n everyday as handsome!

Stephanie:
Jaren! Happy 21st! I know my presence will be missed =) have a great party. have a fab day. see ya!

Wei Qi:
Heya happy birthday!

Evelyn:
Happy birthday! (: hope we wun regret today's decision.

Huay Ping:
Happy 21st! Wish you all the best in everything you do! And Good luck for your exams! Cheers

Valerie:
Hey jaren, happy birthday! I can finally rmb ur birthday! It's so cool tt both of us know sharon..& we're all taking the same course! Haha gd luck in ur exams!

Sharon:
Jaren! Happy birthday! See u later for ur party! Haha!

Christabel:
happy birthday! see you later.. have a blast on this day!

Hui Ting:
HAPPY 21st!! ^^ heh heh.. My first abnormal patient! Lol.. How are you celebrating?

Yasmin:
Eh! Happy birthday! An sms air flown from paris! Hahaha! Have fun ok! good morning btw

Mablerine:
Hey hey. Happy 21st birthday! May all your dreams n wishes come true!

Dorcas:
Jaren! Cant go today. Hving quite a bad flu. But still, hope u enjoy 2day! Happy bdae!

Adeline:
Jaren! happy birthday

Siew Hoon:
Hey jaren. happy 21st birthday! Hope it'l be fun for you today. Sorry i cant go cuz i can't finish studying for my first paper on mon! Best wishes to you?

Ailin:
Happy birthday!

Amanda:
Haha. Okie okie. Copy cat happy 21st birthday too. Mug hard for the coming exams ah.

Bernice:
Happy birthday! Lol. I didn't disappear la... Don't worry. Ha ha... Have a good birthday!

Pei Pei:
Hey jaren! Happy birthday! May u have an exciting n fruitful adulthood ahead. haha.. N all the best for ur exams!

Theodore:
hey theodore here. Happy birthday!

Joshua:
Happy Birthday!

Agnes:
Hey hey..happy birthday

Serene:
Wahax...happi birthday yax..one more step to an old man...dotdot...best wishes...happi birthday once again ^^

Jiamin:
Jaren! Happy 21st birthday. hope you enjoyed today la. And i didn't forget it was your birthday ok! Haha.

Da Ren:
Eh yo.. Happy birthday today! Ha jus made it in time to wish u!

Nancy:
Happy birthday 21 jaren! haha. officially 21 years and a day old..heh.hope you enjoyed your day! =]

Dina:
Happy belated birthday! Sorry, just realised tt uday's ur bday.. Dun forget to relax in the midst of ur studying!

From Facebook..

Kher Wei:
hey hey! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U!!! ^_^g how's things? Best wishes yah!

Evelyn:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAREN!!!! YOU'RE OFFICIALLY AN ADULT! =)

Kai Wei:
Happy Birthday dude!

Natasha:
Happy birthday Jar Jar Binks! Go jump around in the presidential boxers we got you years ago.

Aik Meng:
Hey Bro, Happy 21st Birthday. So sorry i can't be attending ur party. need to mug hard. nonetheless, hope you have a great party and may all ur bdae wishes come true..

Isabella:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Cyaz around in fass! =DD

Cheryl:
Hey jaren!
Happy 21th! Sorry, i can't attend your party tonight. Have a great time! =)

Jillyan:
hey mr gentleman, happy belated birthday! hope you had a blast at your party which i couldnt go for (sorry!). ;D

Michelle:
HEY Jaren! Happy belated birthday!
Hope u had a fantabulous time at your party!
so sorry I didn't go... :P

Mansi:
Happy Belated Birthday!!! though over here its still your birthday!!


MSN..

Nikki:
HEY~
hAPPY BIRTHDAY! : )

Zhengyi:
happie birthday to U!!!!

Ming Kai:
yo..
happy bday ! haha

Zhi Rong:
HAPPY BDAE!!!!

Kayee:
haha haven wish u
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
21st birthday right?

Junqi:
hey happy belated birthday i din realise today's already the 18th... you're 21 and hence an official oldie.... hope you enjoyed yourself :)


Lastly, calls from Thien Fui and Thazin who's also busy mugging at Malaysia! =]]

Thanks to all that came down!
Nurul, Naweera, Samantha, Joan, Kenn, Nancy, Mingyong, Joanne, YJ, Claryce, Shaun, Fiona, Shafiq, Chee Wei, Wei Qi, Zhen Fai, Deborah, Rachel, Cassandra, Sharon, Christabel, Rui Jie, Tow Boon, Deryck, Marcus, Joshua, Roy, Mingen, Zhi Yang, Jiaen, Jiayi & Li. And my extended family =]]



I'm quite skeptical about the results of that quiz. I mean, it sounds quite true but then again, many other people could have gotten that answers too. The 2nd, 3rd, 5th, 6th, 7th & 8th all sounds like me! Haha.

I feel stuck in the middle of some mud puddle or sinking sand. My feet can't feel the bottom and I can't reach for the top. Really tired after all that struggling for the top. Maybe I'm trying too hard and I should just take a step back, or just sink to this bottomless pit. Contentment sure is a high aim, forsaking it all seems a viable option.

Only time will tell. And right now, I really need my bed instead of thinking again. It hurts in two places and I'm too tired for that at the moment.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

天上风筝在天上飞
地上人儿在地上追
你若担心你不能飞
你有我的蝴蝶

天上风筝在天上飞
地上人儿在地上追
我若担心我不能飞
我有你的草原

耶～耶～
你形容我是这个世界上
无与伦比的美丽

耶～耶～
我知道你才是这世界上
无与伦比的美丽

天上风筝在天上飞
地上人儿在地上追
你若担心你不能飞
你有我的蝴蝶
嘿啊~嘿啊~

苏打绿-无与伦比的美丽



Read the previous post.

Building on what Mrs Clark said, I dawned on what I want out of a relationship. It may seem complicated but I want to be remembered and to remember her. To be her life, and mine hers. And at the end of the day, knowing at least someone out there cares for me.

A relationship can be so draining: emotionally, physically & maybe, financially. And it only needs so little to break a relationship: a small quarrel, a third party or sudden incompatibility. But it requires a lifetime of nurturing. Of commitment, of caring, of love, of forgiveness, of acceptance, of accommodating, of compromise, of fun, of communication, of sharing, of feelings.

I believe I have no ideal girl, for I am not ideal in the first place. But having someone in mind, it makes everyday easier to pass. And yet at times, I wonder if I am waiting for something to materialize or I just can't move ahead. Throughout, funny things might happen and you wonder too much. Whether is she the one? Whether I am the one for her? Whether it is pointless waiting? Whether someone else is better suited? Nevertheless, at the end of the day, thinking of her makes me understand that I am indeed still waiting, regardless of how i feel, as long as she is happy. That is my contentment.


-End of Reflections IV-



In the movie "Shall we dance", the wife of Mr Clark (main character) said:

Why is it that people get married?
Because we need a witness to our lives.
There’s a billion people on the planet.
What does any one life really mean?
But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything…
The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things,
All of it… all the time, every day.
You’re saying “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.
Your life will not go unwitnessed - because I will be your witness.”

If you were to disappear into thin air, would anyone even remember you existed?
Will there be this one person who has witnessed every chapter of your life and would hold your story close in his/her heart?

-taken from yawen, i remembered watching the movie, but can't remember anything else from it-



Having laid all bare, what yet is not there to be seen?

Module Code:	JC5001
Module Title:	Jarenology
Modular Credits:	-
Exam Date:	Non-examinable
Pre-Requisite:	JC1101E, JC2101, JC3101, JC4101
Preclusion:	Nil
Cross-listed:	Nil
Module Description:	This course provides a specialty for the study of Jaren. Topics such as Western horoscope: Scorpio, Zodiac: Tiger, secretiveness, thinking processes, understandability, social interactiveness and history are discussed. One aim of this course is to introduce students to the theories and research of Jarenology. A second aim is to help students appreciate how the findings of Jarenologists are relevant and applicable to the day-to-day situations in our lives and in understanding Jaren.
Workload:	0-0-0-0-112 Lecture - Discussion/Tutorial - Laboratory - Assignments - Preparatory Work (hours/week)
Remark:	Though non-examinable, students are expected to keep up with their studying and readings as tests are conducted at random.

Faith, a small word, with a huge meaning to it.



Was thinking of writing stuff related to the heart. But decided not to with the help of better judgement because:
1) it's not interesting
2) it's boring (is it the same?)
3) i prefer keeping it to myself

Anyway, was reading social psychology when there's this section of a topic on love. So apparently, Sternberg came up with his Triangular Model of Love. There are 3 basics, 3 2nd degree and 1 combined love.

Basics: Liking (intimacy alone), Empty Love (commitment alone), Infatuation (passion alone)
2nd: Romantic (intimacy + passion), Fatuous (passion + commitment), Companionate ( commitment + intimacy)
Combined: Consummate (intimacy + passion + commitment)

It is such a hot topic but yet no one can really define what love is. It is also said that loving is different from liking, and not just very strong liking. So what exactly is like and love?



After already having concluded that dreams and expectations are part and parcel of living and reasons for my living, I now turn to examine my history. As I turn almost 21, history is not too long, but it isn't short either. Many things have happened in the past the shaped the person who I am today.

We often complain about how we wished to turn back time, to change something in the past. I, for one, have many What Ifs. What if I wasn't so playful in primary school? What if I studied harder for PSLE? What if I did not join scouts and continued in volleyball? What if I studied harder in Sec 2? What if I was more proactive in upper sec class? What if I had done better in O's? What if I did not go to TPJC? What if I chose to stick to going poly? What if I did not join attached council? What if I did not join student council? What if I did not run for any post? What if I studied harder for A's? What if I did not sign the naval officer contract? What if.. what if.. You get my point, the list is never ending.

But when we think of this, we have a huge hindsight. That is, if anything were to change in history, I believe the present would never be the same again. If you have watched Butterfly Effect, I suppose you will get what I am trying to say. Every small single change in the past, will make the whole world a different place to be in. I wouldn't say that I am living the perfect life now, but at least I know that it is I who am in charge of my own life. I have liken living life to driving before. How fast you want the car to go is like how you want to lead your life. External factors are aplenty, but ultimately, you make the final decision yourself.

And accepting our history is all part of living. It is like how the Japanese accept that previously their previous generations committed atrocious war crimes. We too, have to accept what we were, to accept life as it is now. I am definitely not the person I am today had it not been for my history. I stole before (way back in primary school), but now I understand the consequences of it and of course am not committing it again. Can I not remember this part? No.

I am really glad to have a great and colourful history to boot. My primary school days in Tampines Family Service Centre. Secondary days with the scouts. JC days with council. NS is to be forgotten. Uni, where history has yet to be made.

-End of Reflections III-



A short detour from the usual Reflections.


The Slow Dancer
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD)

Steady, reliable, and cradling her tenderly. Take a deep breath, and let it out real easy...you are The Slow Dancer

Your focus is love, not sex, and for your age, you have average experience. But you're a great, thoughtful guy, and your love life improves every year. There's also a powerful elimination process working in your favor: most Playboy types get stuck raising unwanted kids before you even begin settling down. The women left over will be hot and yours. Your ideal woman is someone intimate, intelligent, and very supportive.

While you're not exactly the life of the party, you do thrive in small groups of smart people. Your circle of friends is extra tight and it's HIGHLY likely they're just like you. You appreciate symmetry in relationships.

Always avoid: The Battleaxe (DBLM)

Consider: The Maid of Honor (DGLM), The Sonnet (DGLD)

Take this cute test here at: http://www.okcupid.com/online.dating.persona.test

After reflecting yesterday on the reason for my existence, I found no reason to doubt my existence. And since I cannot doubt my existence, I should make the best of it or at least bear with it. I got a great quote from a video I watched during today's Nation Building. Someone in the video said that Hegel, a philosopher, said "There's always a reason for existence, for without a reason to exist, something will not exist." Ain't it a good statement. And if the reason for existence is no longer existing, something will slowly disappear until it ceases to exist. Today as I reflect, I will bear this in mind.

Now as I sit on my bed, typing this on my Vaio, with my psychology textbook by my side, I start to dream. Dreams are definitely a part of living and I believe is one of the reasons for my continued existence. Anyone dare to claim they do not dream? But sometimes, there are too many things that we dream about. When I was young, I dreamt of being a doctor, a policeman, a fireman, a laywer among many others. When I start growing older, I dreamt of wanting to be a millionaire, to have a lasting relationship and to live happily. Even at this moment, I dream of being in a good paying job, having a loving girlfriend, a wonderful family and to live happily.

Together with dreams, we start to have expectations. Expectations are always said to be good. When you have expectations, you start working towards them in the hope of achieving them. But have you taught about how expectations can bring one down? When you have too high expectations of yourself, of someone else or of something, it is like setting an impossible target to achieve. And when you are nowhere near your expectations, you start to feel like a failure.

And many a times, we set such high expectations because of the fact that we dream! Dreams are almost always perfect. Remember how Disney always fooled us with their love stories? It is always so loving, and touching. With that in mind, we tend to set high expectations of our loved one. We demand and expect too much from them, and when they do not go along with our demands or expectations, we find them useless or not worthy of our love. But have we stopped and thought for a moment, are we meeting up to their demands and expectations too? Love is such a give and take thing that with only one side at it, it will never work out.

Seeing my parents in love, sometimes I can't help but set certain expectations for myself too. I had always wanted a single relationship to last till death, but that of course, is not possible at the moment. Thus, I should remove all expectations and take things as they come, for expectations will only make me ponder more. Like I mentioned previously, setting too high expectations will only throw me back on the cold hard floor. Having experienced it before, I will not come to this stage again.

I will not cease to stop dreaming, for when I stop dreaming, I will lose a reason to exist. I believe that there many things that I still dream for and set expectations for. And it is with these dreams and expectations, that I will continue to have a reason to exist.

-End of Reflections II-



As I continue reading Descartes' meditation, I realise I should enter into my own meditations too. The main person in the Meditations is the Meditator who is Descartes himself as he looks to examine epistemology. I shall do my own reflections, and take the role of the Reflector! (okay, sounds lame)

As I enter almost 21 years in this world, I have never failed to question the very meaning of my existence. Born a free thinker, I have no religion to call my own. So who do I pray to when I am i need of solace? I have no idea.

Buddhists believe that my current life is a reincarnation of my previous life. That what I do in my present life, will affect my afterlife. If I were to commit evil, I would be banish to the 18 levels of hell. How true is all this? I am uncertain.

Christians believe in evangelism, that I am brought into this world as part of a journey before going on to meet the Greater Being. While I'm at it, I should try to encourage others to take up believe in what I believe so that we can all progress to heaven together when our journey on this Earth is over.

I'm not too sure about the other religions, but I would suppose that it is something along these lines. So the mere presence of me, is supposed to help others go to heaven as well? It is not that I do not believe in a Greater Being, but I am uncertain what he wants of me. As I continue to reflect on this, there seem to be no better answer.

So instead of thinking of why I am here, I shall reflect on what I should do to better improve myself and the people around me.

-End of Reflections I-



I'm so glad that I'm finally done with Philo. It was a t.o.r.t.u.r.e., pure and simple as hell.

Things start to look like it's going back to normal, and I'm happy with it. Still early to talk about it but I'm okay with it now, somethings are better kept close at heart. And it's finally time to get back to real work. Like mugging, which I have procastinated, as usual, after the mid terms have ended.

19 days countdown to start of Finals.



I should really stop rambling on and on. It's been like my 4th post for the day. Zomg.

I think my incoherence of thoughts did not simply stem out from nowhere. In fact when I was ordering take-away fried rice for dinner just now, I can't even remember giving the lady $5 or $10. And when she returned me $6.50 in change, I was stunned at first but nevertheless accepted the change.

I really really did try to do Philosophy. But it requires too much thinking, and with my mind already preoccupied, I could not squeeze any more matter to help in Philo. My Philo points look like crap and a pile of rubbish. Hope consultation tomorrow would be able to enlighten me.

Never felt like this before. Can't pen my thoughts properly, nor get any proper work done.



I give up. At least for today.



Fuck.

I am not getting anywhere in Philo.

Online help is of not much use to me.

Not sure how to settle this 25%.

Already thinking of throwing in the towel.



With much on my mind, I practically blazed (ie. speed) all the way to school this morning. Somehow, I find driving the only thing that I have control over. There may be external factors such as slow traffic, but it is I who is in charge of the wheel. I dictate how fast the car go.

With Nation Building mid term (more like end term) out of the way, I have to rush for my Philo paper and qet presentation.


1 Tiger please. Oh wait, make that 2. 1 isn't potent enough.



Heads, I lose. Tails, I lose.

In need of more than 1 can tonight.



How am I to help a friend who has some relationship problems?

Technically, it should not be relationship problem, considering he isn't in one. But anyway, problems with girls once again. Looking back in history, he has been rejected quite a number of times, ditched by his exes, and absolutely luckless in love.

And as he was relating his story to me, he got to know this wonderful girl from I don't know where. Well, they did not seem to get along well at first because they did not have much in common. It is still pretty much the same now but at least they have slightly more to talk about. Of course a loveable girl like her would not be short of suitors, and that's what holding him back now.

Though confessing previously to her (which he was rejected of course), he's not too sure whether to push the friendship one step further or to leave it as it is. Throw a coin perhaps? Heads to go ahead, tails to step back.





Money makes the world go round.

This has been a much cited quoted by people who are i) in love with money, ii) need money desperately or iii) blinded by money. A more apt saying would be that 'money goes round the world' instead.

Money in today sense isn't really worth much as compared to decades ago. Previously, during the industrial age, money truly is the driving force of many people. But right now in today's information age, personal satisfaction is one of the key gains of people. And by personal satisfaction, I mean things that money can never ever buy or things that are no longer being able to be bought.

Can all the money in the world cure you of an incurable disease? You might spend all your money to invest in research and development of a new drug, but it does not translate to immediate results. Can money buy back a loved one who has unfortunately passed away? Needless to say, it's impossible. Can money salvage a broken relationship? If it can, the partner must be a materialistic person, and you're better off without him/her instead. Can money earn you respect? It is more likely people are respecting your money instead.

So money cannot really buy anything we want in the world. That is not to say money is not important. $10 to us may be a small sum, but to the eyes of a farmer living in poverty for his whole lifetime, that same $10 could be the ticket to freedom from poverty.

Likewise, as we get richer, there are more things that we want that may not necessarily be able to purchase with money alone. Not forgetting, as we get richer, the value of money becomes smaller and the things we want becomes larger.



And so, bash is out of the way. Finally culminated on 12th Oct at Zouk. It has been a long time since I was part of a committee to organise an event and it sure was fun. Though I must admit I didn't manage to contribute much, because 1) there wasn't much to do, & 2) my head is damn zai.

Didn't really drank alot but after my 1st mug of vodka red bull, I could feel slight effects of getting high. Went around the club while looking for wl's friends and saw alot of kuku army-buaya-boys! The whole place is like damn filled with them. Argh. And of course, saw first hand how girls are most vulnerable at a club.

Reeling the effects of sleep deprivation and alcohol, still feeling slightly seh. Unproductive Sat, again. Only managed to complete one reading. Hai, how to get into the studying mood again?



Just back from archery today. Felt a very strong inclination towards skipping today's session because of the damn hot weather. Not forgetting the arrows are sucky, but made the trip down nevertheless. Was feeling quite sian as I walked towards the gathering area, until I walked past some of the senior archers and their enthusiasm and friendlyness sure perked me up. Their simple gesture of smiling and greeting was enough to make me continue archery.

And was today shooting great! Played some team event, and even though we were only the 2nd highest, I managed to shoot my best ever. 10,8,9,9,9,8,10,7 to give me a total of 70 out of 80. It felt great to have people complimenting my consistency and that I should consider joining the cca. However, it's only a short shooting distance, 18m (the shortest) and the largest target board (40cm). Still a long way more to go =]



One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it.

Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said "Why, your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine."

The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but it was full of scars. It had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.

The people stared -- how can he say his heart is more beautiful, they thought? The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine. Mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."

"Yes," said the old man, "yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart,but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared."

"Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me.These are the empty gouges -- giving love, is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.

The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his.

By Unknown Author


Took this from ZhiRong's blog who got it from another friend. So I would believe that only without truly loving anyone, would your heart be perfect. And like the old man, I have empty spaces. But now, maybe, I have forgotten how to give it out.



思念是一种病 - 张震岳

当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
一辈子有多少的来不及
发现已经失去
最重要的东西
恍然大悟早已远去
为何总是在犯错之后
才肯相信错的是自己
他们说这就是人生
试著体会试著忍住眼泪
还是躲不开应该有的情绪
我不会奢求世界停止转动
我知道逃避一点都没有用
只是这段时间里尤其在夜里
还是会想起难忘的事情
我想我的思念是一种病
久久不能痊愈
当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
时常感觉你在耳后的呼吸
却未曾感觉你在心口的鼻息
汲汲营营
忘记身边的人需要爱和关心
藉口总是拉远了距离
不知不觉无声无息
我们总是在抱怨事与愿违
却不愿意回头看看自己
想想自己到底做了甚黱蠢事情
也许是上帝给我一个试炼
只是这伤口需要花点时间
只是会想念过去的一切
那些人事物会离我远去
而我们终究也会远离
变成回忆
oh 思念是一种病
oh 思念是一种病一种病
多久没有说我爱你
多久没有拥抱你所爱的人
当这个世界不在那黱美好
只有爱可以让他更好
我相信一切都来得及
别管那些纷纷扰扰
别让不开心的事停下了脚步
就怕你不说就怕你不做
别让遗憾继续一切都来得及



Does being in a relationship make one live life fuller?

Having just returned from Zhenfai's surprise birthday celebration organised by Meifang, I realised how much I am missing. Having someone to plan a surprise, book the venue, order the food, organising the friends and decorating the place. It really is very sweet of her.

But what we are seeing is on the surface level, where things are all rosy and nice. Ever taken a step to look deeper? The problems, quarrels or differences will come up someday. Nevertheless, I believe how you solve such matters is important in strengthening the relationship.

Being involved in a relationship surely does makes one feel happier each day, for you know there's someone who cares for you like you care for him/her. At least it makes everyday something to look forward to. Be it a date, a call or even a simple message.

Then again, too many people in long term relationships are going through a rough patch recently. And it definitely has adverse effects. The broken heart feeling, the I-cannot-stop-thinking-about-him/her-feeling, yes it sucks.

So it a relationship worth the sacrifice afterall?

Editor's note: I've tried hard, taken up driving, guitar, diving.. but sometimes, it ain't that simple.



Does a pet have no say?

My dad just brought back my dog, Junior, after undergoing ovaric-hysterectomy operation. That is to say, Junior, has had his testes removed and prevented from breeding. I looked at him and felt pity for Junior. How is a male dog ever going to feel like a male dog without his testes? It's like in the olden days where eunuchs have to be castrated before being able to serve the emperor. And they were definitely no longer the men they used to be.

This brings us back to the point, why did we have to send Junior for sterilization? We all along had no intention of breeding dogs, so that should not be a problem. Nevertheless, the government promotes it. We have all seen it, the advertisements at bus stops and on our television screens, "sterilized pets, makes better pets." Furthermore, with the new ruling of licensing for dogs, it is a difference of $56 for the registration of a sterilized dog compared to an unsterilized dog. So much has been put forward to get dog owners to send their dog for sterilization.

But have we taken a look at it from a dog's viewpoint? Do they not have any right, any say against it? Eunuchs had the choice, they chose to earn more economically and giving up their sex lives. But do our dogs ever said they wanted it? What ever do dogs gain by undergoing sterilization? How much of a better pet would they make?

Suddenly I felt so sorry for Junior as he is lying in a new corner of the sofa, refusing even to lick my fingers when i offered to him. Maybe he's just back from the operation and not in a stable state yet. Hopefully, his character doesn't change much. I still want him to be that cute and adorable Junior who ran up to me when I came home last night.



Critically assess the following statement, "Mug your head!"

At first glance, the sentence has no syntax nor meaning. But to understand it, we must look at the pragmatics of the sentence. To 'mug' is a common lingo among students to refer to studying. And 'Mug your head!' must have been used by a depressed student trying to scold another fellow student whom he sees as 'mugging' too much.

'Mug' is an ambiguous word for it has many meanings. However, when we put 'mug' in this context, our brain automatically narrows it down to 'mug' as in studying. A mug however is a glass or cup and has no influence in this sentence whatsoever. But in this context, 'muggers' refer to people who study excessively. So we can hear people at the library constantly complaining to their fellow friends, "Look, another mugger who's going to be at the right-end of the bell curve, and frag me who will be at the left-end."

This leads on to another word, being 'frag'. The word 'frag' originated from the game CounterStrike, where 'fragging' means to obtain a kill against a member of the opposite team. Hence, to 'frag' means to win or to dominate over another person. Which, when put into the sentence, it makes sense.

How does 'your head' fit into the statement? If we were to study, the information will be encoded into the brain and not the head. Likewise, the information can be consolidated in the brain and it has nothing to do with the head at all. But, 'your head' is used here because we tend to generalise and regard both the brain and head as a single chunk.

All in all, 'mug your head' is actually a useful and meaningful sentence used to put down another student, who in your opinion, is studying too much. It is also used when a person is depressed, under stress or otherwise in an abnormal state of psychological well being.

In conclusion, MUG YOUR HEAD LAH!


Editor note: It's muggles for Harry Potter, point taken! =p







Really felt lost. Haven't been checking out friends' blogs for a LONG time and I must apologize. Will do it one day, one fine day.

Am so tired. Sick, and tired.

But I will persevere. I will come out stronger one day, one great day.



Feeling pangs of voidness. Time, which is supposedly able to heal all wounds, probably has not done a good job for me.

Went to the online library resource to look at past year exam papers yesterday, after I was told I could find them there. Viewed most of them, and was totally amazed by the difficulty of it. Getting a good grade does seem quite far from me after all.

Not quite sure whether viewing those papers gave me a rude shock of what to expect or a wakening that I should start studying harder now.

Mid terms starting Wednesday, and to kick start them, I have got Nation Building! Followed by many others after the recess break.



Ah, finally a break. But is it really a well deserved break? It has yet to be argued. Nevertheless, I've decided to skip the 2 lectures that are supposed to be held today in view that there are not English tutorials. Both are going to be webcasted, anyway.

It seems a tad too fast, but am already reaching halfway of my 1st semester at NUS. Definitely much faster than I would expect time to pass. Mid term stuff are all coming up, will be a gauge to see how I fared in these coming 6 weeks here.

Been driving to school almost the whole of last week. So fun! Looking forward to permanent driving.

And it's back to the airport to prepare for mugging once again. Still missing the good old mugging days, 3 years ago.



Forums are always packed. Textbook is a never ending read. Tutorials are coming at a fast paced. Lecturers put you to sleep. But there's always someone to make going school worthwhile after all.



Yeah! No more 0800hours lesson. It was quite surprising that someone would actually want to swap my 8am tutorial with his 10am one. Though it's not my 1st choice, I'm still happy with it! Looking forward to my 4 days week~

And I finally come to a realisation what I loved most about Uni life. And that is to make new friends!!



And so the 1st week of school went by. Like, WOW! That was fast. And I'm actually 11 weeks away to my final examinations, can you even start to imagine how freaking fast that is. And I'm not sure if I even learnt anything much this week.

Been out for almost the whole week. Bought a canon printer on Mon, went for PRU welcome tea on Tue, swimming on Wed, archery on Thu and ice skating today!

I'm loving my printer! Though I realised I should have bought 1 with scan & copy functions, but mine can do DUPLEX! New word right? Meaning it can print on both pages, automatically! Coolness x10!
PRU session was kinda crowded. Ate 2 fishballs and 1 samosa only -_- Submitted our particulars for signing up, very much like council and just the way i like it!
Archery was fun! Though I had to leave early because of a lecture at 6pm. Decided to carry on with recreational archery! At least it's cheaper than learning from outside and I've got friends to learn it together with.
I fell only once today at ice skating! Lol. My 1st time skating at the Fuji one, which is at Jurong East, and only my 2nd time at ice skating, since my last during secondary school days at the now defunct Kallang ring.

1 week down, many more to go! Yay!



Wanted to write about the past week's events. But remembering that today's the 7th Aug made me not want to talk about those yet.

2 years ago, on this very same day which happened to be a Sunday then.. I dreaded the words you said, the torturous train journey to Boon Lay and the unforgettable memories that flooded me. 4 years, was what you asked. Halfway now, and we are still nowhere.

Still stuck in the same puddle of mess. Will there be someone to lift me out of this?



Busy busy. And I'm no longer busy with WOW. Guess it is something I should be relieved. UC released me from that chain, that thick and heavy chains of WOW.

So busy this whole week with outings, next week will be my matriculation & OG's chalet and followed immediately by O week. Super packed~

Monday had OG outing to watch harry. Of course we arranged to meet earlier for pre movie gathering. Met with Zhirong, Zhengyi, Eve, Seb, Dina, Lixin, Chung Phong & Geraldine for lunch at MS's Kolo Mee, and had pool/arcade games after that. As usual, a big cock up, original venue for screening of MS was changed to PS. Zzz. So the group of us who were supposed to be the earliest, turned up at PS the latest.
At least the movie was only $2, Harry Potter, but I don't think it can be compared to Harry's previous 4 movies. Someone mentioned a change of director, so that could be it. What is an outing with having meals together, so off we went to Manhattan for dinner, and again, the food is not really comparable to Fish & Co. What is dinner then, without dessert. Headed to The Cathay's Ben & Jerry's for ice cream. But we took so many seats, and bought only an item. Opps. Sat there, talked cock, had sharing sessions, a fruitful event I must say. Surviving few for that day were Francis, Chung Phong, Zhirong, Seb, Xin Yu, Yeow Ann, Hui Xia, Guang Hong & Bo Yan. But, what is dessert without supper! Final part to the outing had the group of us 5 guys eating beancurd at a nearby stall before rushing off quickly to Bugis to catch the last eastbound train.


Tuesday, having kind of slept alot after that late night out the previous day, had another gathering today. Back to Bugis, this time with OCIP peeps, Yumei, Aik Meng, Siew Hoon & Aaron who left early. Went to Liang Seah Street for porridge steamboat. Coming end of this year, it would have been 4 years that we have known each other. Still reminiscence about the good old times together, the fun & the laughter we shared. We really should be thankful for this OCIP that brought us, a group of 26 strangers to being the friends we are today. Though of course, the core of what's left is probably a handful of us, it's the thought that counts.

Wednesday, OG outing 3 to East Coast Park. Attendance was filled by Zhirong, Zhengyi, Chung Phong, JiaEn, Garfield, Seb & Lixin. Tried our hands at roller blading. I must admit I'm quite good for a totally noob at it. Fell a few times but at least no visible injuries of sort. Perspired as if I ran a good 2.4km throughout that 2 hours of blading. Guang Hong joined us as we were blading back to return our skates. And so 4 of them continued Blading Part 2. Zhirong, Chung Phong, JiaEn and myself decided to call it a day for skating and so we tagged along behind them.
Following ECP, we proceeded to City Hall to meet Geraldine for dinner. Buffet at Sakae Sushi Funan. Survivors for that day were only 6, Zhengyi, Zhirong, Chung Phong, Guang Hong & Geraldine. Damn full -_-




Thursday was the spend money day! Met Kayee for shopping. First had lunch at Chicago's Steak which was having their lunch offer and I felt their prices were pretty cheap, but comparable to the small servings. Walked around Cineleisure killing some time while waiting for the rain to subside before making our way to Hereen. The pair of flip-flops that I wanted didn't had my size there, so we braved the rain back to Cine to look for it. And my 1st buy of that day was made, with that flip flops! Continued walking towards Orchard side and bought 2 latest Kindaichi's comics. Shopping was not to be ceased and I was still trying hard to clothes! And it came no sooner than at Zara when I bought clothes~ And berms later. Wallet casualty for that day: $300 thereabouts.

Friday was to be my last of a week-long outings! Didn't went for Kbox with OG first as I was lunching with Dorcas & Yumei at Brewerkz. Spent almost an hour there dining, drinking and catching up with more Yumei's stories. Haha. Went down to MS's Kbox to meet up with the group. Super long walk from the entrance to the room and I was quite surprise by the turnout, it was good! There was Garfield, Wan Su, Zhi Rong, Aini, Jon, Eve, Yeow Ann, Xin Yu, Cindy, Miao Hui, Guang Hong, Chung Phong, Theodore & Jaden. So sing away it was. Decided to have dinner at the super crowded Cafe Cartel, PS. Waited for damn damn long -_- But to chop better seats for movie later, Zhi Rong went with me to purchase tickets first. 10 tickets! Good attendance for movie too. Watched 'Alone' at midnight with Zhi Rong, Jia En, Boyan, Miao Hui, Guang Hong, Geraldine, Jaden, Cindy & Janet. Was kind of disappointed with it. Definitely not as nice as 'Shutter'. Took a Night Rider home, and capped that day's activities.







Glad I didn't miss Formula 1 just now. What a heck of a race it was. Missed the starting, but there were enough repeats to show what had happened. Heavy downpour caused like 5 cars to skid on to the gravel at the 1st turn.

Though sunshine prevailed after the race was restarted, it was a hell of a race between Massa, Alonso and Raikkonen for 1st, 2nd and 3rd. Not far behind there was also Webber and Wruz for 4th and 5th.

The race was starting to look good for Ferrari when suddenly Raikkonen was losing speed and finally retired with some problem to his car. It was then a fight for champion between Massa and Alonso with Webber and Wruz also in the hunt for the final podium position.

And from no where, rain came again! This time the party for Ferrari's in a mess. Alonso fought hard to overtake Massa and rightly so. He finished like 8s ahead of Massa, man, Ferrari's such a let down on such a big occasion when Massa was at one point leading Alonso by 7s.

7 more races to go, and the championship for the drivers sure is coming down the wire, with Alonso breathing down Hamilton's neck and a mere 2 points seperate those 2. Go Ferrari!



How am I to let go, and embrace the future.
Or is there even a future to be embraced?



It sure feels good to swim. 50 laps! Yay. Super shack now.

Owen rejects exit talk. Definitely looking towards having Owen starting the strikeforce with Viduka or Martins. Go Newcastle!!!!

F1 will be back this week. Good thing last week there was none so I didn't miss any. Go Ferrari!



The smile that was worth a hundred smiles,
The laughter that seems like a hundred jokes being told,
That look on the face that never fades away.



Well, most likely being the last camp that I will be participating in as a member, UC had been a fun experience. Though others who had been through other camps found this not as fun nor exciting, it doesn't really matter!

Had treasure hunt, secret pal (mine sorta disappeared), pool games, night scrabble (night walk), sentosa beach games, salsa mass dance, war games and a clubbing night at Double O.

Update more another time..



Wee! Went to relief teach today. Fai finally managed not to tua me after promising me a place since such a long time ago.

Nothing really eventful, took a teacher's Sec3NA, Sec1Ex and Sec3NT class. 3NA pretty much don't care but got them to complete the work given. 1Ex's playful, and they love asking irrelevant stuff. Which I remember doing that to my relief teachers in secondary school too, talking about karma! 3NT, simply doesn't care about my existence at all. Blah. I spent 1 period trying to coax them to complete 2 SIMPLE CME worksheets, which consisted of writing not more than 10 words and some ticks & crosses. The other period, I just gaze at them and wonder what would they be like in future, which hopefully there is one.

Packing for Union Camp now. Anxious and excited about it at the same time. Let me go there to have fun!



Maybe it's loneliness or my flat had our electricity cut off in the afternoon, but I finally made my way down to Safra for a good swim. Must have been almost a month since I last swam.

Was supposed to do 10 laps at first, arms and legs started feeling tired towards 10. But continued on to do 20, persevered to 30 and finally pressed on to 40. Longest I ever covered since I did 30 back in my primary school days. Maybe I could do more, but what's the point?

Will try for 50 or more the next time any of the above 2 events happen again, now it's time to sleep. ^^



Today is the day of meeting friends.
1. Katherine on the mrt to City Hall.
2. Yee Fung at City Hall control while waiting for the rest to appear.
3. Huay Ping, as above.
*Rui Jie, Hok Lam, Tow Boon, Cheng Wei & Jie Sheng the people who are supposed to meet.
4. Ekta while at Raffles City Starbucks chilling.
*Wei Li, special guest appearance.
*Addition: Zeling at Marina Sq.
5. Choon Wen at Marina Sq Mac's.
6. Marcus outside Marina Sq Mac's.
7. Liping while waiting for Jie Sheng's friend to pass NDP preview tickets.
8. Candice, who turn out to be Jie Sheng's friend giving us the tickets.
9. Zhen Fai who's meeting us for the show.
10. Thien Fui at Marina Sq while we were discussing where to head to for dinner.
11. Clarice who was with Thien Fui.
12. Kinn Ann at Suntec Food Republic while we were going to order food.
13. Benjamin while we were eating.
And that about concludes today meeting of friends.

NDP this year is something different from the rest. But probably cause it is the first year that it is going to be held at Marina Bay. Watch and find out! And it's super duper loud! Especially the F-16s fly pass and the artillery fire.



Ah! Finally finished a month of administrative work at Prudential.

It truly was an eye-opener, allowing me to understand this business better. And here are some thoughts:

1. Most Singaporeans or all, have insurance. True. But they are still underinsured.
2. Investments are usually making money. True. Many of my manager's clients have over a 100% return in just 2 or 3 years.
3. Important to buy the right insurance and probably die at the right time. True. A deliveryman once had absolutely no insurance but personal accident cover with various banks that he had credit with. He passed away due to a road accident while on a motorcycle. The widow managed to claim over $800,000, $100,000 each from 8 banks.



Just back from a 3 days family getaway to Malaysia. Stayed at a bungalow at A'Famosa, Malacca. It's pretty big, fitting us 5 families, 18members in it.

Fun & relaxing it was. A real getaway. There's a swimming drain (not a pool cause it's too narrow, though long), a pool table, karoke system, xbox and a small field for us to play volleyball in. It really is nice to hang out with all my uncles, aunties and cousins once in a while like this. Do some catching up, and basically take the stress out of work or studying.

Work's finally coming to an end this week.
Kuantan Wreck dive next week.
Tentatively Psychology camp the week after.
Union Camp the week after after.
Enhancement on lasik the week after after after.
Then: SCHOOL STARTS soon! OMG.



If you are considering the new plan from the that combines internet, phone & mobile, please do not make the wrong choice. The technology is unstable. It's lousy & definitely sucky.

I'm experiencing all the bad things about it, and none of what it was advertised.

思念是一种病 {9:12 am}

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Work work work, it isn't that bad. Don't know how I will take to it when I get contracted.

Been WOWing, so many of them are leaving for army soon. I'll miss those great guys!

Back to mugging, another 3 upcoming examinations T.T

思念是一种病 {8:58 pm}

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Maybe I still do think of you, is because I haven't gotten over you in the first place. I may have overshadowed the fact, deceived myself or even ignore it, but the problem remains the same.

Now, if only.. ..

思念是一种病 {1:33 am}

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Started work for about a week at Prudential already. Working as an administrative assistant to my manager. Well, it's pretty much helping her do paper work, but learning what I'll have to go through in future too. Don't know how to source for prospects, better not find friends unless they find me. Haha.

Changed my internet to Singnet's mio plan, because of that, have to change to a digital phone. Ok, irrelevant.

Those entering NUS seem to have gotten a package from them, but I have yet to reveive mine T.T

思念是一种病 {8:08 pm}

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Pictures from my 1st dive trip with my new camera is up! Check out links on the right under Flickr Pics.

Looking to next trip at Kuantan Wreck!

思念是一种病 {10:54 pm}

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Wahaha, just realised it has been AGES since I last blog. I can only attribute this to me hard at work. My job scope's pretty simple: having to heal people, ridding the world of evil, accomplishing objectives and I'm a Priest! Haha, in World of Warcraft, that is.

But that's not all. I signed up to continue my diving education too. On a package that comprises 2 dives and 5 specialties:
- deep, in future, I would be able to dive to 30m!
- wreck, time to explore and learn more about the past
- peak performance bouyancy, more stability underwater
- enriched air nitrox, more oxygen = more dive time
- diver propulsion vehicle, no more finning!

思念是一种病 {8:05 pm}

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Anyone interested in old notes? Looking to do a 1-to-1 exchange.

I have got:
- 5 $50 Bird series
- 5 $50 Ship series
- 1 $100 Ship series
- 1 $1000 Ship series

And Singapore is bloody hot. Fan blowing directly at my at full speed and it is still warm. I miss Hong Kong, weather.

思念是一种病 {10:46 pm}

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Ah, and another week passes by. 1 week ago, I was packing my stuff for Tioman, now I'm packing my stuff for Beijing/Hong Kong. 2007's looking great for me!

Got back my guitar results today, and I PASSED! Gotten a BACC, doesn't matter. Once back from my trip, it's off to Orpheus Dive to discuss further diving together with Edmund, another like me, who is dreaming of diving again and again. Immediately that Thursday have got a medical with NUS and my Health Insurance examinations. Followed by many other examnitations in preparation for my joining of the company. And soon, it's start studying time.
So I've planned out the 4 main things to concentrate on:
1. Studies
2. Financial advisory
3. Diving
4. Guitar
Yippe! And not forgetting gaming of WoW =x
Lovely, looking forward to my trip, and also looking forward to be back in Singapore to complete so many things.

Bringing Junior to my cousin's place to stay. Tata~~

思念是一种病 {9:15 pm}

Monday, April 02, 2007

And I'm back from my Tioman trip. Stay at 'Genting', a place on the island at Island Reef Resort. The rooms there are quite lacking in everything but that's not the significant part.

Made 3 dives on the first day.
Visited a car wreck, saw many fishes, a turtle & Crown of Thorns.
Got drifted away by the current, hanging by a thin buoy in a sea of blue with our boat nowhere in sight.

Another 3 dives on Sunday.
Sea urchins are like common sight and went to a depth of 29m.
Took dumb pictures, visited wrecks and had alot of fun under the sun.
For our 3rd dive, which was purely leisure, I realised how much of an Air Godzilla I am. My instructor used up only 50 bars (from 200 to 150) while I breathed 170 (220 to 50) in the same amount of time we spent underwater. =|

思念是一种病 {9:33 am}

Friday, March 30, 2007

3 days retreat to Tioman! Not a retreat la actually, finale of my diving lessons YIPPEE! Last step to a scuba diver certification and the key to a whole new world of diving possibilities.

Those of you that will miss me, do wish for me for a great trip. Those that don't like me, can wish that I'll never come back, but I'll still do anyway!

Clothes - checked
Toiletries - checked
Mask & snorkel - checked
Money - checked
Passport - checked
Divelog book - checked
Insurance - checked
Myself - CHECKED and ready to go~

思念是一种病 {2:31 pm}

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Omg, I didn't even realise that I was causing so much pain to you. And I always thought I knew better than that.

I'm so dumb.

And I'm really, sorry. And I will keep my distance, I promise.

"you're adding misery and torture to my life", I'll remember it.

思念是一种病 {10:17 pm}

Ok, let me talk abit about what I have been up to these few days.

Actually, I'm undergoing training with Prudential for the financial advisor I yet to be. To the people around who know that I'm doing this, their first reaction was, "I don't want to buy hor", "Don't find me ah", or something along that line. At first I was pretty disappointed, even if they are not interested, the least they could do is show some support.

When I think back about my reaction then, I realise I was the one in the wrong. Putting myself in their shoes, most probably I would say the same to a would-be financial advisor. Frankly, only 1 friend did express interest in it. And when I asked his reason for it, this was it, "Hmmm, I think insurance is a must no matter what because we never know what will happen.." And that's true.

I truely salute him, for even I, before this training didn't even give two hoots about insurance. But now I know the magic of it, the miracle of it and the blessing to have it. Maybe at my current age, people still don't realise what's the value of human life. If I die now, how am I ever to repay my parents, what they have put into nurturing me all these 20 years? And it took me 20 years and so many teachings to realise this.

I'm proud to say that I have a good agency backing and a very supportive manager who's willing to groom me, and not forgetting my parents who will always be behind me.

Of course, I know how awkward it feels for me to approach friends in this business. Too many people around have lost countless friends on this basis. Don't worry, I won't even mention anything about it. But those that are interested in wealth accumulation and risk management, can always feel free to call me, but I must say, I'm not even 21 yet therefore I am not an advisor! I can always share what I know.

思念是一种病 {9:57 pm}

Monday, March 26, 2007

It's a good thing I now have a living animal to pour my troubles to, instead of my stuffed doggie for 20years.

Junior!!!!!!!!

思念是一种病 {10:52 pm}

Patience or stubborness? I guess it's just relative. What took me 5 hours, i believe it's patience though it may be argued that it is stubborness.

By any logical thinking, what I was hoping for didn't even stand a flicker of a chance, but mathematically it did and I tried, wishing for the best. At least I get a consolation of sorts.


How does one not let the heart, but the head take control?

思念是一种病 {10:41 pm}

Sunday, March 25, 2007

It is such a OMG HOT day today. But i'll come back to that later.


1st official dive at Hantu completed yesterday! Did a total of 3 dives which amazingly took up around 4 hours though it definitely doesn't feel like it. And like I expected, my ears proved troublesome as I had trouble equalising them and felt a squeeze many, many times. It was painful, even my sinus had problem on the second dive. So in the end I just took a much longer time to descend to slowly equalise. Nevertheless, it was fun! Looking forward to our Malaysia trip.


Today headed over to Johor to visit some long distance relatives, which should be my dad's cousins. And they stay in a FREAKING BIG bungalow that cost less than 1.8m ringgit. The land size itself is approximately 3x that of our semi-detached. So around 2x is for the house and another 1 part of the land is just and open field with carpet grass. So they have a jacuzzi, spa, theathe room, karoke room, many bedrooms & toilets. And only pretty disgusting thing is the number of houseflies in the place. I have never seen a Singapore place with that much houseflies at all. But the house was just mind blowing.


And on our way back, even though the air con was turned to full blast in the car, I can still feel the heat and was close to perspiring. Super hot day. Blah.

思念是一种病 {10:37 pm}

Monday, March 19, 2007

When you know it's all but impossible, and yet you still habour thoughts about it, is it being determined or just plain stubborn?
When they give no indication, is it nonchalance or they simply do not know?
If you give too much, without expecting anything in return, is it being big hearted or is there a motive?
If you think you would be the best partner for them, but they do not reciprocate it, how do one go about it?


Crap, I think I've been thinking too much lately. There's just too much to humans and their thinking. I'll probably think about that later when I get to study Psy, not now. Sometimes, I just like being lost in my game. It takes me to a different world, a place where I have to not worry so much about people relationships, where there's not so much to trouble me afterall.

Love is all forgiving & understanding yet hurting at the same time. Maybe I should be glad I'm not involved with it, it simply takes up too much time. I rather indulge in other things. But then again, love is.. amazing, but that's another story for another time.


I really wished you all the best, like always. It doesn't matter who you end up with, as long as you're happy, though I really hate to see you go.

思念是一种病 {10:04 pm}

What does it feel like to like someone, when you know that he/she will never take a fancy for you?
How does it feel to like someone, yet wanting him/her to be happy with whoever she/he will be with?
What does it feel like to like someone, and only being able to admire him/her from afar?
How does it feel to like someone, by only lend a listening ear to him/her when he/she wants?

It feels.. blah.

思念是一种病 {12:10 am}

Sunday, March 18, 2007

What can I say, diving's great! It did take some getting used to the gear, the breathing, the new environment but it soon became second nature.

The recent 2 dive accidents seem to have little effect on those diving enthusiatics. Around 50 people crowded into a quite small swimming pool at Outram Sec, which is on top of a hill. Wished by schools had a swimming pool.

Looking forward to the actual open water dives this Sat at Hantu!


Guitar exams was.. over and done with pretty quickly. Doubt I can get a distinction though, silly mistakes here and there. Oh wells, should be getting results this Sat too.

思念是一种病 {9:23 pm}

Thursday, March 15, 2007

And so, on my first day at work, my services were terminated. Nono, not because I picked a fight with someone or fell out with the manager. Just that the manager requires someone to work on 30th and 31st. Both of which are the start of my dive trip and my dives respectively. Thus, I had no choice but to allow for another replacement who is no other than Weili. Haha. The consultant was kind of funny, telling us not to tell them that we know each other.

Well, of course I did think of underhand methods to keep my job, like keeping it secret about my dive trip and pulling a last min stunt like saying my grandma died in Malaysia. But if I can even do this on a temporary assisgnment, I fear for what i would do in future. Thus, that was a definite no-no and I knew I had to be honest with the manager about my schedule. Oh wells, I'm sure I can find another job.

So it's back to slacking and bumming around at home while waiting for my other job to start, promoting of Bailey's liquor at DFS, again. At 9/hr, I think it isn't that bad, and we don't have to promote it afterall since there's no commission involved. Just be there.

Grade 9 guitar on sat
Pool dive on sun
Hantu dive next sat
Malaysia relatives visiting next sun

I seem pretty busy in fact.

思念是一种病 {12:39 pm}

Friday, March 09, 2007

Memories from a distant past floated my mind for a moment as I walked through the gates of Hell for one last time. Hell it was, for near to 2 years, but at the same time it was a place known as Home. Taking away more unpleasant memories than good ones, I hope to put this past behind and move on. Yet at the same time, how could one forget so easily the people, the training, the blood & sweat and all others that is put in.

At long last, my time has come and am over with it.

It sure seemed like a long time.

思念是一种病 {7:06 pm}

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Jaren is MIA.

思念是一种病 {5:06 pm}

Monday, February 26, 2007

Wahaha. Been playing too much of World of Warcraft. Darn, I knew I shouldn't have started. Too late for regrets now. Chiong level~

Happy CNY,
Happy birthday to birthday people,
All the best to those receiving A's this friday,
Have fun!!

思念是一种病 {10:18 pm}

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Today's a day for coincidences. Supposed to meet fai 2pm at Tampines MRT to head to Raffles Place's Recruit Express to register ourselves there.

First, he witnessed an accident right at his place's bus stop.
Second, we can't find his gf's fren's sister who supposed to be working there as the person who spoke to us said there's no such person by her chinese name. Then, just so happen when we were talking about college, we found out that she actually is the person we're looking for afterall. Just that she doesn't use her chinese name at her workplace.
Third, met a college friend at City Hall MRT.
Forth, met a sec sch/college friend on the train at bugis.

I'm sure there's more to follow, but I headed home =x

思念是一种病 {6:03 pm}

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

My cousin has a full set of diving equipment minus the tank, and he's willing to lend me to use! Yippee!

24 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can so see my pink IC~~

思念是一种病 {4:49 pm}

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Ah, M5 wasn't that hard on the computer examinations. It was mostly practice questions which I had done before so it was pretty easy, completed it in 45mins out of 2 hours given. Even the invigilator was abit stunned. [=

Gotten my 2 dive books to read and prepare before the actual trip starts. Did i mention it before? Hmmm..

Vivo's Marche is of kind pathetic. The selection isn't that much, or maybe I just seem to prefer the old Hereen's and Suntec's ones more. But, the mushroom soup is still as yummy always!


M9 exams - 02/03
ORD - 10/03
Guitar G9 - 17/03
Dive - 12/03, 14/03, 18/03, 24/03, 27/03, 30/03-01/04

思念是一种病 {9:59 am}

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Yippe! Finally registered for diving. My long time wish to learn diving can finally be achieved. 1st class starting 12/03 and I'll be a certified diver by end-Mar. Yayness.

Module 5 exams are tomorrow. Hope I do well!

Time to sleep. Gotta catch up 2 more sample exams papers before I sit for the actual thing.

思念是一种病 {11:55 pm}

Monday, February 05, 2007

Your Life Path Number is 7

Your purpose in life is to find truth and meaning You are very spiritual, and you are interested in the mysteries of life. You are quite analytical and a great thinker. You have many theories and insights. A life of solitude is perfect for you. You need time to think and do things your way. In love, you are quite charming. You attract many with your confidence and wit. While you enjoy being alone, sometimes you take it to an extreme. You can become too isolated, shutting out loved ones and friends. Express yourself a little bit more, and you'll be surprised where it takes you!

What Is Your Life Path Number?

思念是一种病 {10:58 pm}

Saturday, February 03, 2007

It was that boring in camp that, we have thought up names for our future children. jw has decided on Malcom and Adeline. Myself am thinking of Jeslyn or Yvette, haven't come up with a guy's name yet.

People in Malaysia are especially helpful today. At FOS, the couple in front of us offered to combine the bills so that we could get a free towel if it hits $250. Then later at Popular, the lady behind us offered her popular discount card, much to the annoyment of the cashier who claimed that we cant do that unless we combine the bills.

思念是一种病 {10:57 pm}

Friday, February 02, 2007

Omg. Can you believe it? I actually had someone from a recruitment agency asking me if I'm interested to join her client's company that deals with property as a Junior Secretary. When I queried her about the job scope, it includes administrative work and travelling on flights to take pictures of buildings.

Ok, I must admit she was speaking quite softly and I was just woken by that phone call from her. But from 'flights' I assumed it meant going overseas for work. Hell yes I would want that job.

But the next moment, when I told her I'm still currently serving NS, she went, "Er.....rrr.. rr..". Though she said she would check with her client again, I knew it was as good as gone. Sigh.

思念是一种病 {11:18 pm}

Thursday, February 01, 2007

What a dream. I dreamt that I was having a holidays with some friends over at Bangkok, staying in their Intercontinential Hotel.

I need a break. Time to start working to earn money to travel!!

思念是一种病 {8:51 am}

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Woke up: 4.30am
Left home: 5.10am
Reached Boon Lay: 6.30am
Realised no duty to do: 6.45am
Back to Pasir Ris: 8.50am
Back home: 9.00am

Lovely. Made a wasted trip to and fro but, at least i redeemed my Sat back! Yea!

思念是一种病 {9:23 am}

Friday, January 26, 2007

Story of the 4 'Body-s'

There's a job to be done that Anybody could have done it. However, Everybody thought that Somebody would do it. Thus, in the end, Nobody did it.

思念是一种病 {12:08 am}

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Tired. After 4 straight days of studying, I can feel how much it has weighted me down. Now I'm starting to worry how am I to cope with the pace of Uni studies.

By the way, a story:

There's this girl, G, who's rich and very kind (totally opposite of the rich n meanie type). So one day while she was crossing the road, she noticed that an elderly woman was having some trouble and offered to help her. Needless to say, the old lady was very touched by her kind gesture and told her some stories about her life, like how her children wasn't willing to look after her and how hard she is trying to cope with life currently.

G, being the very nice and helpful person she is, offered a listening ear, to the extent of visiting this old lady weekly at the old folks home.

This went on for a couple of months but finally, time caught up with the old lady. So, at her funeral, G was there too, together with all the lady's children when the lawyer read out her will.
Ta-da! G got the most of the lady's money as compared to any of her other children, which, pissed them off naturally. But a will is a will and it will not be changed. And the money she got, which is like a quarter of a million, is donated to charity (I did mention G is rich).

Moral of the story: Do a good deed, help old ladies off the street. (True life story as told by my sister, who heard it from her classmate, who said it happened to her friend).

思念是一种病 {10:11 pm}

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary. You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward. Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts. All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

What Time Of Day Are You?

思念是一种病 {11:29 am}

Sleeping to much in camp has bad side effects like being lethargic whenever I'm at home or outside for almost the whole day. After I wake up, my back still aches, my mouth can't stop yawning and I so wanna go back to sleep. Zzz..

And it's back to hitting the books. Studying for Capital Markets & Financial Advisory Services examinations. Could well be on my way to be a certified financial adviser. Woo hoo.
Mug mug mug.

思念是一种病 {9:39 am}

Saturday, January 20, 2007

You Are 1: The Reformer

You're a responsible person - with a clear sense of right and wrong. High standards are important to you, and you do everything to meet them. You are your own worst critic, feeling ashamed if you're not perfect. You have the highest integrity, and people expect you to be fair.

What Number Are You?

思念是一种病 {1:31 pm}

What am I to update after an uneventful week in camp?

Hmm, let's start with I got half of my platoon people to get hooked on Bang! and Munchkin. Basically did nothing much but play, eat & sleep. Duty yesterday was horrible!! Because we shifted to a newly renovated temporary office, there's nothing to do there! No computer to play with, no radio to listen to & no television to watch! But the air con is good. Freaking cold.

Will try to update more this weekend ^^

思念是一种病 {12:19 pm}

Monday, January 15, 2007

Watched Newcastle's match against Tottenham last night. What a win. Though it was simply a makeshift team, and Newc had to endure waves after waves after waves of Tot attacks, we managed to scrape through with a 3-2 victory.

It just goes to show that even when your team is down, you not out unless you think you're out. Sheer display of determination & perseverance.

And I just realised, the diving dates that I'm looking at, clashes with my guitar examination. Zzz. Will just have to postpone it by a week. I'm sooo looking forward to it. Still finding khakis too!

思念是一种病 {2:36 pm}

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Another BBQ today. My 5th weekend of bbq consecutively. Let's recap:
16th Dec, Uncle's bbq at Downtown East
23rd Dec, Bbq at my house with OCIP peeps
30th Dec, Bbq at my house with extended family & family friends
6th Jan, Aisyah's bbq at Downtown East
13th Jan, Cassie's farewell bbq at her house.
I guess that's enough unhealthy food to last for a year!

Eating with stitches is troublesome and slow. I am only munching my food with the left side, thus my already slow eating speed is reduced by half, again. And am like swallowing 8 pills each meal -_-

Diving plans are getting more concrete. More or less settled on the start date of 5th of Mar. Gonna learn both the Basic & Advanced PADI Open Water. Really excited!! Then already thought of what specialities to follow up after:
Deep Diver
Wreck Diver
Underwater Navigator
Peak Bouyancy Performance
Enriched Air
Night Diver
Boat Diver
Drift Diver
Omg, ok, too many. Just 5 out of these few. =p

Guitar! Die lar. Grade 9 guitar exam is coming right up the corner!!! 17th Mar to be exact. Didn't really expect myself to be continuing guitar lessons for so long, much less taking exams. I would say I'm still barely passable, still got about 2 months more to work hard and not let my examinations fees go to waste. Been learning it for over a year now, I should be proud of myself man. Yea!

思念是一种病 {2:48 am}

Friday, January 12, 2007

Early in the morning, while waiting for the time to pass to head down to NDC, surfed DBS website and found out this other website: www.comgateway.com So cool. It provides you with an American address so that when you buy stuff from US websites, they can send it to that address while the website will later send it to me.

Such an interesting thing, of course I had to try it with my new supplement card courtesy of my mom. Purchased $30+ worth of Munchkin stuff not avaliable in Singapore. Looking forward to receiving my package soon.

Plucked my wisdom teeth le. Finally my 11B is put to good use. 325 surgery, fully subsidised. 11.20 medcine, partially subsidised to 6.60. It's still bleeding, and I can feel the stiches. More porridge to come these days.

思念是一种病 {1:43 am}

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Ah, it sure feels good to be back home again. Had duty on Sunday thus my weekend was super short.

Gonna remove my wisdom teeth tomorrow. Abit anxious about it but I hope it will turn out all right.

Basically played Munchkin every single avaliable free time, which is to say almost the whole day, for the past 3 days in camp. It beats Bang! hands down in popularity. Haha.

思念是一种病 {4:35 pm}

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Booking in tonight. Not exactly how I wanted to start the year, but it's okay!

Went by the airport recently. T1's canteen is closed! Gasp! My favourite haunt when I was back studying for A's and working at DFS. Security is beefed up too. Even the entrance to the terminal are blocked by barriers and police humps.

Looking forward to the weekend. Yay.

思念是一种病 {6:00 pm}

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